There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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