i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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