it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
