Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just tell him i said nine months
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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