u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
