and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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