What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
