yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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