all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
