i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I look better un-naked...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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