whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize