He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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