Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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