thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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