The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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