My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
