Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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