You smell like stripper and shame
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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