Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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