I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
