He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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