I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
