tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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