Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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