sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
