Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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