the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
