At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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