You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
