Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
