I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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