Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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