oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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