Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
