3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
