So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Houston, we have a squirter
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My penis needs a shock collar
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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