Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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