I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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