JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
