dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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