A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
are you so shy because you have an std?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
