If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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