I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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