Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
