If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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