Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
