Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize