It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
