well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
