The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
