i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
