gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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