Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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