I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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