we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
