Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
