Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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