dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
