I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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