i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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