she woke up with a sticky ear
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
