I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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