Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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