my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize