Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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