Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
