cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
